For the Men

Photo by Min An

Why is it okay for women to show their feelings but men are considered weak? I have had men told me that they grew up hearing that crying was a sign of weakness.

My question after hearing this:

  • What are boys going to do when they have no outlet?
  • How are boys supposed to cope when they are shamed for feeling?
  • If you tell a boy no crying, what other option can you give them?

There are so many side effects that can result from denying someone that necessity, as my grandmother used to say “pressure does burst pipe.” Now men are in the space where they believe that the only way they can provide love is through financial means because that’s what they saw growing up. I know men, especially the older generation, who had multiple partners and that was alright with the wife because he contributed. Going from that ideology to incorporating emotions is quite mentally draining; some men would self-sabotage than deal with their feelings. This shouldn’t be an option for anyone; we need to break the cycle and embrace our men who want to vulnerable. This will save their lives.

I spoke to my friend a couple of weeks ago, and she said that three men committed suicide within seven days. I was stunned because the numbers keep growing and the population is just over 100,000 people. My country is not very open about these issues; we are just told to keep going, and that has been the mantra passed on from generation to generation. It’s recently become clear to me that just because you are taught something doesn’t make it acceptable. It’s time to throw away the theory that being vulnerable is not manly.

Every human has emotions, and such should embrace them. Every human has feminine and masculine attributes which should be tapped into for balance. We, as a society, should allow men the freedom to speak about their feelings without ridicule. Our future generations’ success depends on it. Trauma is passed down through the DNA, and we will continue to damage the psyche of the future if nothing is done about it.

To the who are already embracing your feelings, kudos to you! To the others, try to get past the stigma and improve yourself. Write about it, speak to someone you trust, find a quiet place and just cry. There is no one way to deal with pain. Be strong enough to face that part of yourself so you can grow; it’s a new season.

Pax et Felicitatem,
Nomadic Free Spirit